I Will Write It Down and Always Think of You
by Havah Kinny
Summary: Prince Caspian. Sequel to However Long and My Heart's Still Sore. Jack and Edmund have a loving relationship, but the secrets that Edmund must keep from Jack begin to put a strain on that relationship and they begin to question their love. slash, Ed/OMC.
1. Chapter 1

A/N This story is a sequel to However Long and My Heart's Still Sore…it is set a little over two months after that one ends

_**A/N This story is a sequel to However Long and My Heart's Still Sore…it is set a little over two months after that one ends. **_

"How were your classes?" Edmund looked at Jack, smiling slightly as they walked through the courtyard. It was windy and they were both wearing jackets, scarves and caps.

"You know…they were classes." Jack shrugged. "The only ones I really like are the ones that you're in with me." Jack offered Edmund a quick wink. "You know what? It's cold, what are we doing inside?" He turned and started heading towards the dorms.

"That is one good question." Once Caspian had decided to stay, he had enrolled in the school and some room mate switching had gone down. Jack's random selection room mate, Alex Parsons, had been giving his own room, Edmund moved in with Jack and Peter moved in with Caspian; that way everyone was much happier than the administration knew.

"I want to be able to hold your hand in public," Jack whispered to Edmund as they entered the building. Edmund didn't answer Jack, he just took out his key and unlocked the door. He grabbed Jack's hand and pulled him inside, slammed the door and pushed Jack up against the wall.

"If people like us are _ever _going to be accepted, believe me, I'll be the one grabbing your hand in front of everybody the first chance I get." Edmund whispered the words softly in Jack's ear. "Until then, we'll have to stick to what we can do," he reached down and took Jack's hand, squeezing it gently.

"Ok, that's good enough for me." Jack smiled and pressed his lips against Edmund's. "How long have you been in love with me?" Jack asked, pulling Edmund onto one of the twin beds.

"Three months, one week, five days, thirteen hours and maybe about twenty minutes?" Edmund smiled and snuggled next to Jack. Jack's arm wound around Edmund's shoulder and he smiled.

"I love you too." The boys lay as they were for several minutes before speaking let alone moving.

"We should do our homework…" Edmund sighed, eyeing his bag on the floor.

"I don't want to."

"Why does it seem like we go through this every day?" Edmund laughed.

"Mmm…" Jack buried his face in Edmund's neck. "Probably because we do…It's only because I love you, really…I promise!"

"I know." Edmund grinned. "Come on…homework…it can't be that hard. We'll get it done, we'll go to dinner, we'll fool around, we'll go to sleep, I'll have a nightmare, you'll wake me up, crawl into my bed and hold me while I fall back asleep."

"Wow…we really do have a routine, don't we?" Jack smiled.

"Yes, we do, and I'm very fond of it." Edmund moved so that his head rested on Jack's stomach.

"Ok…but let's do our homework and get to dinner so that we can get around to all of that fooling around stuff that you mentioned." Jack smirked rolled over so that Edmund's head rolled on to the mattress. "Homework…let's see…math, math, math…oh how I hate thee." Jack muttered the words to himself, causing Edmund to chuckle slightly as he set up. "Oh and what exactly do you think you're laughing at?"

"You're just funny, that's all…you and your hate of math." Edmund kissed Jack on the cheek before pulling his own homework from his bag. The boys sat on the floor, facing each other, Edmund's back against his bed, Jack's back against his. Both boys had their knees pulled up and bent so that they could rest their books on their legs, but Edmund's left leg slowly stretched until his foot was gently pressing against Jack's. Jack looked up and smiled at Edmund.

"What, need help?"

"No," Edmund shook his head. "I just wanted to remind you that I love you."

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

"Do you think that maybe we could skip the nightmare tonight?" Jack asked as he pushed Edmund's white button down off of his shoulders.

"I dunno." Edmund shrugged, sitting back on his bed, looking at Jack slightly serious. "I mean…I'm sorry, but I can't really help it…if you want to sleep through the night I can crash on the floor of Peter's room." Edmund looked away, slightly dejected.

"No…Ed…" Jack took Edmund's hand. "That's not what I meant at all." Jack smiled and gave Edmund a soft kiss on the lips. "I was thinking why don't you let me just start off the night in your bed, that way I'll be there with you, nothing's going to hurt you, I'll protect you."

"Oh god Jack, I'm sorry," Edmund sighed. "I just assumed that you didn't want me-"

"Shh," Jack put his arms around Edmund and kissed him. "I would never want you out of this room for even a second." Jack rested his hands on Edmund's bare sides, just in the slight curve of his waist. "If you go sleep in Peter's room I'm coming with you…after all, do you really want your brother and his boyfriend holding you when you can't sleep?"

"I hate that I rely so heavily on you…" Edmund sighed.

"It's ok." Jack pulled Edmund on to his lap.

"See?" Edmund sighed. "I've just ruined a good time…"

"No, no, Edmund." Jack placed a quick kiss on Edmund's forehead. "You didn't ruin anything…the only thing that might make all of this easier is…um…if you could tell me just what it is that you're not…but I understand if the time isn't right." Jack said the last part fairly quickly.

"I'm so sorry, Jack…I promise, the second the time is right I'll tell you everything…I just want to know that you'll believe me."

"I'll believe everything that you tell me, but I'm not rushing you, so just let me hold you…come on, one night in the same bed all night might be good for you."

"Look, Jack…I thought we'd decided not to have sex for a long, long time."

"I don't want sex from you, Edmund!" Jack pulled away slightly. "I mean not now…Look, I'm just trying to be here for you! Is that so wrong?"

"No, no, it's not." Edmund pressed his forehead against Jack's. "So…my bed, your arms, my waist?" Edmund's lips gently grazed the tip of Jack's nose.

"I like that plan." Jack nodded and pulled Edmund down with him so that they were lying on the bed. "Covers or no covers?"

"Mmm…" Edmund shrugged. "Up to you."

"Sheets." Jack smiled. "Other than that, I love you and goodnight." Jack reached over and switched the light off before wrapping both arms around Edmund's waist. He pulled the boy tight and kissed his hair softly. Edmund snuggled into Jack, yawning slightly before entering his first full night's sleep since his kidnapping.


	2. Chapter 2

"How did you sleep?" Peter asked Edmund as they say at breakfast the next morning. This was a daily question, and Edmund was used to it, so he just shrugged and said that he had slept fine. "How did he sleep?" Peter sighed and directed the question at Jack.

"He slept fine," Jack smiled slightly. "He got about eight hours solid I'd say."

"That's good." Peter smiled and let out a small squeak as Caspian subtly and without warning squeezed his knee under the table.

"You guys and your subtle displays." Edmund shook his head, chuckling slightly. Jack sighed, trying to mask his jealousy as he looked at Peter and Caspian. They were lucky, there wasn't anything between them, no secrets, whatever Peter and Edmund were involved with, Caspian was too so they didn't have that barrier. Jack's gaze shifted to Edmund, who was shoving eggs in his mouth almost as fast as humanely possible.

"Slow down, Ed," Peter and Jack said at the same time, Peter chuckling slightly. Edmund swallowed what he was chewing, and then spoke.

"Sorry…I'm hungry." He smiled sheepishly.

"We could tell." Caspian smiled and Edmund rolled his eyes and went back to eating, taking smaller bites this time. Jack glanced at him and they shared a small smile.

"Hey Ed, could I talk to you alone before you go to class?" Peter asked, taking a sip of water.

"Sure." Edmund nodded and looked at Jack apologetically. He could tell how badly his boy friend wanted to grab his hand right there, and he wanted the same thing, but it just wasn't an option at this point. The boys finished breakfast and Caspian and Jack headed straight to classes while Peter pulled Edmund aside. "What's up?" Edmund asked.

"You and Jack seem…different this morning."

"I didn't have a nightmare last night." Edmund shrugged. "We both got a full night's sleep."

"That's not what I meant." Peter shook his head. "Is something wrong? Did you guys have a fight?" Peter put his hand on Edmund's shoulder. "If you want to talk about it-"

"We didn't get in a fight." Edmund shook his head. "Look…did Jack say something? Because I didn't notice anything was up…"

"No, no," Peter shook his head. "But maybe you should talk to him, because he seemed a little off this morning…are you sure nothing's up?"

"Not that I can think of…I mean the only thing that's changed is that he slept in my bed with me all night instead of just after I had a nightmare, but that's it."

"He was with you all night?" Peter looked at Edmund suspiciously.

"Yeah…you've slept the night with Caspian before." Edmund shrugged. "What?"

"Did you guys…you know…"

"NO!" Edmund shook his head. "Unlike you, we're waiting until we're completely ready."

"That's unfair," Peter rolled his eyes. "Caspian and eye only moved as fast as we did because we didn't think that we were ever going to see each other again…" Peter sighed as Edmund smirked. "But you knew that…"

"Yup." Edmund nodded. "Can I please just go to class now?"

"Yeah, sure, run along." Peter nodded and Edmund jogged off towards his first class, history. Once class was well enough under way, Edmund passed a piece of paper to Jack.

**Is something wrong? –Ed. **Jack looked over at Edmund, but Edmund's concentration was back on the blackboard.

_**Why do you ask?**_ Jack passed the note back to Edmund.

**Peter said that something was weird with you this morning.** Jack sighed as he read the note and passed the paper back to Edmund with just one word on it.

_**Secrets.**_When Edmund read the paper he sighed and folded it up before running his hands through his hair and looking over at Jack apologetically. Jack didn't return the small smile that Edmund offered before both boys switched their focus back to their notes.

"Hey, wait up." Edmund jogged after Jack, his leather bag swinging from his shoulder.

"Hey." Jack looked at Edmund as Edmund fell into step beside him.

"It's a cold day, no one's really outside, we could go between the dorms and the dining hall." Edmund smirked as he tugged at the sleeve of Jack's shirt as inconspicuously as possible.

"Not today Ed." Jack shook his head.

"Well we don't have time to go back to the room before I have to go to English…"

"That's ok." Jack shrugged.

"Jack…" Edmund looked around took a deep breath before grabbing Jack's hand. That got his boyfriend's attention. Jack looked up at Edmund, confusion in his eyes. "Come on, let's skip our next class, I think we need to talk." Edmund tugged Jack's hand, pulling him towards the nearest door.

"I can't, its math for me, I need all of the help that I can get." Jack pulled back slightly, but Edmund didn't let go of his hand despite the fact that a couple of people had seen them.

"Fine." Edmund sighed. "But promise that you'll meet me in our alcove after math? We'll skip French, that way we can go into lunch if we need to talk longer."

"Ok." Jack nodded and the boys split up to go to their classes. All through his English class, Edmund drummed his fingers on the desk, waiting for it to end so that he could go talk to Jack.

"Hey." Edmund entered the alley and walked up behind Jack. He set his bag down at the mouth of the alcove and leaned up against the brick. "Jack, are you alright?"

"I don't know." Jack shrugged.

"Do you love me, Jack?" Edmund put his hand on Jack's cheeks and sighed.

"Yes, of course I do Edmund, what would ever make you doubt that?" Jack took Edmund's hand and kissed him softly. "It's just…I don't want to push you, I just feel a little left out of everything."

"If I told you, I don't think that you'd believe me, I'm waiting to tell you until I have some way proving to you that what I'm saying is true."

"What could you possibly have to say that I wouldn't believe?" Jack looked into Edmund's eyes.

"A lot…it's hard for me, look…" Edmund sighed. "If I told you that I had a horse, would believe me?"

"Yes…" Jack nodded. "I would be a little surprised that a horse was your big secret, but I would believe you."

"If I told you that I had a pet horse named Phillip that could talk would you believe me?" Jack snorted with laughter. "See? We're not ready." Edmund shook his head, slightly dejected.

"No, Ed, wait…" Jack took Edmund's hands and kissed them both. "Look, if you told me that pigs could fly, I would believe you, alright?"

"No, there's a difference between believing me and saying that you believe me, and I know that if I told you pigs could fly you wouldn't really believe me…I mean you might say that you believed me, but you wouldn't really, and that's what's important." Edmund pressed his forehead against Jack's and sighed. "I want to tell you…I really do, and I will when the time is right, believe me."

"Ok." Jack nodded and kissed Edmund. "I believe you."

_**A/N Alright, I am sorry that it took me so long to update, I've been working full time this week (but the rest of the summer is part time) and I had a party last night and I met this guy...so yeah, things might be just a little slower for the next couple days.**_


	3. Chapter 3

TWO WEEKS LATER

TWO WEEKS LATER

"So…" Jack grabbed the tip of Edmund's tie and pulled him into their room. "We don't have classes tomorrow, meaning we can stay up all night if you want." Jack smiled and kissed the tip of Edmund's nose.

"I know." Edmund nodded. "And I was thinking that…maybe…" Edmund paused and took a deep breath. "I was thinking that maybe you and I could put on our pajamas, crawl in bed, and I could tell you absolutely everything about me."

"Everything?" Jack looked at Edmund, not quite sure what Edmund meant.

"Yeah." Edmund nodded. "You've stuck with me this long and I've been keeping you in the dark. I love you and it's not fair to do this to us anymore…these last couple of weeks we've been dancing around it and we can't keep denying that it's been causing us problems…in the last two weeks we've been more distanced than before we got together…" Edmund let out a soft sigh. "I'd rather lose you by telling the truth and having you not believe me than lose you because I couldn't tell you everything." Jack wrapped his arms around Edmund's waist and kissed his forehead.

"Ok, let's get into those pajamas." Jack smiled and Edmund nodded, pulling away from Jack's embrace. Both boys put on pajamas and crawled into Edmund's small bed, their bodies pressed up against each other. "Look, Ed, before you start…" Jack pushed some of Edmund's hair from his eyes and kissed him softly. "Just know that anything you have to tell me, I'll listen."

"Thank you, Jack." Edmund smiled softly.

"And you don't have to tell me right away, if you want I can just hold you for a bit, we can cuddle for awhile first."

"I'd like that." Edmund smiled and snuggled into Jack, his nose nuzzling Jack's neck. As Jack's arms tightened around him, Edmund gained more and more confidence that Jack would believe him. "There's this place…" Edmund sighed almost an hour later. "It's called Narnia…and you can't get there unless you're called, and I've only REALLY been twice, but sort of three times…anyways, it's basically magic…but it's amazing…god, I'm going to sound crazy." Edmund laughed nervously. "Lucy first found it through a wardrobe in the house of the professor we stayed with in the country. I followed her one night and found it too, only I got in to trouble, I ran in to this witch and she told me she was queen, and she told me that if I brought Lucy and Susan and Peter to her that I would be king someday…" Edmund shivered slightly. "But she…well, she lied and I sort of wound up being her prisoner and Aslan, he's the lion in charge of Narnia REALLY, had to save me and there was a battle and-"

"Edmund, slow down." Jack sat up, letting Edmund roll out of his arms. "What are you saying? That there's a magic land in the wardrobe of some country house?"

"No…because the second time we got to Narnia all together we were at the train yards and everything just kind of…melted away into Narnia." Edmund shrugged. "Please…just let me finish." Edmund looked pleadingly at Jack.

"Alright, sorry…" Jack nodded, but didn't lie back down. Edmund took Jack's hand and sat up, joining him, and continued to tell Jack everything about Narnia. He told Jack about the White Witch and the way that she treated him, the way that she turned people to stone. He told him about Aslan and the stone table, the battle of Beruna, how they ruled for years before they found the wardrobe again and how no time had passed. He then went on to tell Jack about their second visit to Narnia, the battle with the Telmarines…how so much time had passed between their first two visits, how they met Caspian and how Peter and Susan were told that they were done in Narnia. As he spoke, Jack's hold on Edmund's hand got a little looser until they were no longer holding hands by the time Edmund finished.

"I understand that it's a lot to take in, Jack, but I'm glad that you listened to me, that you let me explain everything." Edmund smiled weakly at Jack, trying to read him for a reaction, but as far as Edmund was concerned, Jack was a blank slate.

"Wow…" Jack sighed and looked away from Edmund. "That's…that's quite a story."

"I know…It's really…I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you sooner."

"It's ok." Jack nodded and sighed.

"Jack…?" Edmund took Jack's hand reached out, raking his hand through Jack's thick, brown hair. He kissed Jack softly, but didn't feel Jack kissing him back. "Jack…do you…do you believe me?" Edmund gulped, looking at the boy he loved, trying to get him to look back.

"No, Eddie, I don't." Jack whispered the words quietly and pulled his hand away from Edmunds. He got out of the bed and sighed. "Look…Eddie, I think that I'm going to go crash on Liam and Chris' floor tonight, I'll…I'll see you tomorrow." Jack grabbed a bathrobe and took the pillow off of his bed before opening the door. "I'm sorry Ed…it's just…you didn't want me to lie to you and I can't say that I believe you if I don't." Jack closed his for a second and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again, there was a single tear rolling slowly down his left cheek.

"Jack…you don't have to do that, just sleep in your bed, I won't bother you, I promise…" Edmund sighed, looking at Jack pleadingly.

"Edmund, I think it's best if I sleep somewhere else tonight." Jack shook his head and wiped the tear from his cheek.

"Maybe you're right…" Edmund sighed and slumped down on his bed. "But um…I'm gonna go sleep in Peter's room, you stay in here." Edmund got up, put on his bathrobe, grabbed the pillow and top blanket from his bed, pushed past Jack, and walked quietly down the hallway, trying hard not to cry.

"Ed, god…are you alright?" Peter opened the door wearing only his school pants and his tie.

"I told him about Narnia." Edmund sniffled slightly. "I told him everything and…and he didn't believe me." He dropped his pillow and blanket to the ground and threw his arms around Peter. His older brother patted him on the back and pulled him into the room and over to one of the beds. Caspian grabbed the pillow and blanket from the hallway floor while Edmund cried into Peter's shoulder.

"Shh, Ed, shh…" Peter soothed gently, hoping to calm his brother down a little bit. "He'll come around, if he's right for you then he'll come around."

"And what if he doesn't come around?" Edmund asked, pulling away from Peter and looking at him, teary eyed. "What if this is it for me and Jack? I love him…"

"I know you do." Peter nodded. "And if it's meant to be between you two, something will happen, it did for me and Caspian, it will for you and Jack."

"I hope you're right, Peter, Ihope you're right."


	4. Chapter 4

"NO! NO! GOD GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Edmund tossed and turned in Peter's bed, pulling the blankets around him. "PLEASE! STOP! I CANNOT DO THAT! GET THE HELL AWAY!" Edmund's screaming jerked Peter and Caspian awake and both boys rushed to his side. Edmund was sweating and flailing around the bed, salty tears mixing with the sweat.

"What do we do?" Caspian asked, looking to Peter as Edmund continued to scream and jerk around. Peter shrugged, but didn't take his eyes off of his brother.

"I have no idea…I mean I would say that he needs Jack, but I don't think that's possible." Peter shook his head. "No…we have to figure out how to do this ourselves."

"Alright…well, just tell me what to do."

"Ok." Peter nodded and sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed, his hands on Peter's shoulder. "Edmund? Ed, come on…wake up." Peter gently shook him but Edmund didn't respond, he just kept pulling and flailing. "Edmund, wake up!" Peter pulled Edmund into his arms and rubbed his back. "Come on, it's ok, no one's going to hurt you, thinks will be better if you just wake up."

"Call him Eddie," Caspian whispered. "That's what Jack does…"

"He hates being called Eddie, only Jack's allowed to call him that."

"Would it be so terrible to let him think that you're Jack just for a few seconds?" Caspian asked. "It might wake him up."

"Well…here goes…" Peter sighed. "Eddie, come on, wake up." He held Edmund tight and the boy stopped screaming.

"P-Peter?" Edmund looked up at Peter and sniffled.

"God…is it like this every night?" Peter gently laid Edmund back on the bed. "Does Jack do that for you every night?"

"No." Edmund shook his head. "He does more. He holds me, he kisses me, he tells me that everything's going to be alright, he sleeps with me…I don't know…" Edmund sighed. "I'm sorry that I woke you up…just…just go back to sleep, I'm going to do the same, I'm exhausted." Edmund pulled the blankets around him and closed his eyes, blinking back tears. Peter kissed him on the forehead and Caspian squeezed his shoulder before the two older boys climbed back into bed.

"He is going to be alright," Caspian assured Peter, whispering in to the blond's ear so that Edmund wouldn't hear. "You are a good brother, you will take good care of him, I know you will."

"Thanks…" Peter smiled weakly and kissed Caspian passionately. "I love you…"

"I love you too."

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

"Edmund…we need to talk." Jack tapped Edmund on the shoulder at breakfast. Both boys looked tired and neither one looked terribly happy.

"Ok." Edmund nodded and stood, following Jack just outside. "What?"

"I think that it would be best if we didn't…you know…if we weren't together anymore." Jack sighed. "I love you, but if we're going to have inconsistencies like this then it's never going to work out…I'm sorry, I really am."

"I know." Edmund nodded. "You're right…I mean if you can't believe me and I can't make you then there's no possible way we could make it. Is that all?"

"Well we need to talk about sleeping…"

"We can still be room mates, we don't have to be lovers, we don't have to be best friends to share a room." Edmund shrugged. "I'll leave you alone, I promise."

"Eddie-"

"Don't call me that." Edmund interrupted Jack, shaking his head.

"Fine…" Jack looked slightly hurt, but he shrugged it off. "Edmund, are you mad at me?"

"A little." Edmund shrugged.

"I'm sorry…"

"It's not your fault, you can't make yourself believe something, even if it's true, there's nothing that either of us can do about that, I just wish that there was." Edmund walked off, leaving Jack all alone outside. Roughly ten minutes later, Peter stormed over to Jack and grabbed his throat, pressing him up against the wall of the dining hall.

"You promised that you wouldn't leave him!" Peter snarled, looking at Jack threateningly. "You said that you would never hurt him and here you go, breaking his heart. I thought you were better than that, Andrews, I really did. I thought that you cared about him, that you loved him enough never to let him get away from you, and here you go, taking the best thing that Edmund had going for him away. He loved you so much, he trusted you with everything and how do you repay him? You don't believe him and you break his heart." Peter pushed Jack harder into the wall and glared at him for a second before letting him fall to the ground. "I wish that I had seen this coming, I wish that I could have protected him from you."

"No…Peter, it's not like that!" Jack looked up at Peter, a lump in his throat. "I love him so much, but he deserves to be with someone who will believe everything that he says, he deserves someone who will trust him unconditionally, he deserves someone better than me."

"Are you saying that you're doing this for him?" Peter asked menacingly. "Are you saying that you broke his heart to save it?"

"Yes!" Jack nodded. "If I thought that it would be fair for me to stay with him than I would in a second. I would lie to him to keep him, but he doesn't deserve that. I'm in a corner both ways. Lie or tell the truth, either way two hearts get broken, one just brings it about sooner than the other, because Peter, your brother is smart, he would have figured it out sooner or later."

"I know," Peter sighed. "I just…why couldn't you just believe him?"

"I want to Peter, I really do…" Jack brushed the dirt from his clothing as he pulled himself to his feet. "There is nothing that I wouldn't give not to believe him, but I can't make myself think things that I don't already. I can't lie to Edmund and I definitely can't lie to myself. I'm just sorry that it had to happen like this."

"Me too, I thought you were different, I thought that you would understand when the time came, but I guess I was wrong." With that, Peter turned and headed back inside to find his brother and Caspian.

"You didn't hurt him, did you?" Edmund asked, surprisingly dry eyed, though upset.

"No." Peter shook his head. "I wanted to, but I knew that you didn't want me to, so I didn't."

"Thank you." Edmund nodded gratefully. "I really, really appreciate it."


	5. Chapter 5

A week and a half went by. 11 days of Jack and Edmund trying not to look at each other in classes, 11 days of Jack and Edmund trying not to speak to each other, 11 days of Edmund and Jack trying to pretend that nothing had ever happened between them and 11 days of Edmund riding out his own nightmares. Edmund spent a lot of time with Peter and Caspian while Jack retreated to Liam and Chris. Peter and Caspian took Edmund under their wing, and while Edmund knew that they probably didn't want him around, but he couldn't pull himself away, he couldn't stand to be alone and he couldn't see Lucy and Susan every single day.

"Jack…wait up." Edmund pulled Jack aside after their last class on Wednesday.

"What's up Edmund?" Jack asked as they slid into their alleyway.

"I can't do this, Jack." Edmund shook his head. "I can't be alone and there's no one else for me…I've thought about it, and it's you. I love you so, so much. I need you and I want to be with you, I don't care if you don't believe me-"

"I do, ok? I care." Jack shook his head. "I can't be in a relationship like that, alright? Edmund, it's not you, ok? It's my problems that are getting in the way of us. I care about you Edmund, I really do, but it's not going to work if I can't figure out my own issues. I'm sorry." Jack turned around and walked away, leaving Edmund all alone. Edmund sighed and sat down, leaning his back up against the wall. He closed his eyes and started running it through his mind. _It's over. He doesn't love you anymore and you don't need him, you don't Ed, he's not what you need. You need someone who will believe you, you need someone who will trust you in whatever you say, you need someone who – who are you kidding Ed? _Edmund lightly banged his head against the bricks. _You need someone who will challenge you! If you had someone who just believed everything you said life would be boring…but you have to stop chasing after him, he doesn't want you. It's over. Get used to it._

"Ed?" Caspian sat down opposite the younger boy and looked at him skeptically. "What's wrong?"

"If I said nothing, would you believe me?" Edmund sighed as Caspian raised an eyebrow.

"No, but if you do not want to talk about it, that is alright." Caspian shrugged.

"Would you maybe not tell Peter about it if I told you?"

"If it is something that he needs to know of, then I am sorry, I will tell him, but if I do not think that he needs to know, we can keep it between you and I."

"I tried to get Jack to take me back. I told him that I didn't care if he didn't believe me, I loved him anyways and I couldn't stand to be without him and he just walked away from me." Edmund shook his head. "I really thought that he and I were going to work out, I really did…I don't know what went wrong."

"Yes you do." Caspian spoke solemnly and looked at Edmund with a wisdom he rarely displayed.

"You're right…" Edmund sighed. "I guess I just don't want to…I'm trying to get it through my head that it's over and it's just killing me."

"I know." Caspian smiled at Edmund. "When I thought that I was never going to see Peter again I tried to do the same thing. On the way to the professor's house I tried over and over again to convince myself that Peter and I were over, but I just could not do it and I think that, in a way, that is part of why I could not get back to Narnia."

"What are you saying?" Edmund asked, confused.

"I am saying that if you want something bad enough, maybe you will get it."

"No." Edmund shook his head and got to his feet. "Life doesn't work like that Caspian, not for me." The younger boy walked away, still trying to convince himself that he didn't need Jack.

**o.o.o.o.o.o**

"He is so heartbroken…" Caspian sighed as he and Peter locked their door. "I saw him walking alone today and he just looked so down, so upset." Caspian pulled Peter into an aggressive kiss, immediately pushing his tongue in to Peter's mouth.

"I know." Peter nodded as they pulled away for air. "I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to tell him…I'm supposed to be experienced in this sort of thing, but you're the only relationship that I ever really cared about, and our problems are a lot different than Ed and Jack." Peter grabbed the collar of Caspian's shirt and pulled him back into the kiss.

"Is there anything that we _can _do for him?" Caspian asked as he pulled Peter's shirt off.

"I have no idea." Peter shrugged and pushed Caspian's shirt to the floor beside his. "But god, I hope so." Caspian kissed Peter's forehead and gently eased him back on to one of the two twin beds.

"I love you." Caspian smiled and covered Peter's mouth with his own. "What I am about to say is going to sound horrible, but do you think we could just forget about Edmund for a half an hour and just focus and you and I?"

"I think that's a good idea." Peter smiled and wrapped his arms around Caspian, pulling him downwards into the kiss. Soon both boys were asleep, tangled up in each other, completely peaceful. It was the first time since Jack and Edmund's break up that Peter and Caspian hadn't been worrying about Edmund; it was the first time that they had been completely absorbed in each other instead of someone else. They were completely content to be carefree, but they weren't aloud to enjoy that bliss for more than a few hours.

"PETER! CASPIAN! OPEN UP!" Edmund pounded his fist against the door the next morning.

"God, Ed, are you alright?" Peter opened the door, the sheets of the bed wrapped around his waist.

"No, I'm not! Well I mean…Jack's gone Peter. He took his bag and a bunch of his stuff is gone and he's not anywhere, no one's seen him! He's gone Peter, he's gone."


	6. Chapter 6

"Hello, I'm sorry…you don't know who I am and this is going to sound really odd…but I need to see the professor." Jack sighed as he looked up at Mrs. McCready.

"I'm sorry, no one sees the professor unless he knows that they're coming." She moved to shut the door, but Jack put his foot in it to stop her.

"I can't even begin to explain to you how important it is that I see the professor…" Jack sighed. "I will wait however long it takes him to be ready to receive me, but I'm not leaving until I get to talk to him, everything that I care about depends on it."

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Come in and sit, I'll see what I can do." Jack sat down and she left him alone, sitting in an old armchair in the front room. There were books around, things that he could have read, ways that he could have occupied his wait, but he didn't want to, he just waited nervously, hoping that the professor would see him.

"Young man?" An elderly looking man walked into the room and sat down opposite Jack. "How may I help you."

"This is going to sound really, really strange…" Jack sighed. "But you have a wardrobe that I need to see…I'm a friend…or was a friend of Edmund Pevensie, and I need to make things right with him and I don't think that I can do it without your help."

"Oh, so you're Jack?" The professor smiled slightly. "Lucy told me about you when she came with Caspian. "Are you and Edmund in trouble?"

"Um…yes." Jack sighed. "He told me a lot of things and I didn't believe him and he…god, he was willing to stay in a relationship where I didn't believe him, but I wasn't, I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle not giving him everything that he deserved."

"Has he ever lied to you?" The professor asked, one eyebrow raised.

"No." Jack shook his head.

"I've said this once before," the professor's smile did not fade. "And I will say it again to you, if he gave you no reason not to believe him than you have to assume that he is telling the truth."

"I just…I tried, I really did and I want to believe him, more than anything I want to believe him but my reasoning…it just doesn't let me and I can't lie to him and say that I believe him when I don't…so please, could you just show me the wardrobe? Please?" Jack looked at the professor pleadingly, ready to beg if he had to.

"Alright." The professor nodded and stood up. "Follow me, but I have to warn you, the wardrobe only lets through those who are being called…and that is very few people, it is unlikely that Narnia will be choosing you."

"I know." Jack sighed. "But it's worth a try, right? I mean…seeing for myself is the only way that I'm going to be able to prove to him how much I love him."

"Well, you cannot say that I didn't warn you." The professor opened the door to the spare room, revealing the large wardrobe. Jack took a deep breath and gulped before approaching it.

"Do I just…I mean…how?"

"Go in and walk through to the back…if you're being called it will turn in to a wood, if not it will just be the wooden backing of the wardrobe, good luck, Jack…from what Lucy said, you and Edmund are supposed to be together."

"I hope so." Jack nodded quickly and opened the door of the wardrobe. With another deep breath, he stepped in and slowly walked back, pushing through fur coats, hoping that he wouldn't see a back of the wardrobe. "Damn it…" Jack sighed as he reached the back of the wardrobe. He slumped down, his back pressed to the solid wood. He pulled his knees to his chest and lowered his head, letting a few tears fall. He didn't want the professor to see him cry; he didn't want this man that Edmund admired so much to think that he was week. Suddenly, Jack felt himself falling backwards and his head thudded against soft ground. "What the…"

"Rise, son of Adam." Jack stood up, gulping, trying to take in the forest as he turned around. He yelled and jumped as he saw the lion standing in front of him.

"Wh-what's going on?" Jack asked, breathing heavily as he looked at the lion. "Are you…are you Aslan?" The large lion just nodded once. "Why am I here?"

"Why do you think that you are here?"

"Because I was stupid." Jack sighed. He didn't question his answer, he just stated it as though he was sure of it. "Because I didn't believe Edmund and he deserved my trust." Again, the great lion just nodded. "What do I do now?"

"Come with me." It was Jack's turn to nod and he started walking shakily, following Aslan.

"Where are we going?"

"There are some things that you need to see before I let you go home." Jack didn't say anything in response, he just followed the lion through the wood until they reached a castle. "Enter, Dr. Cornelius will show you from here, he has been expecting you."

"Thank you…" Jack nodded politely and entered the castle. "Hello?" He called into the hallway, unsure of what to do next. "D-Dr. Cornelius?"

"Ah, you must be Jack." An old man approached Jack, smiling. "Come with me, I have many things to show you, and while no time is passing with your friends, I assume that you are anxious to get back to them?"

"Yes sir." Jack nodded as he followed the old man through a well lit corridor. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, you got here on your own…but if you thank anyone, it's Aslan."

"I'll remember that." Jack nodded. "So…what exactly are you going to teach me."

"Just a little history, that's all." Dr. Cornelius smiled and winked at Jack, who returned the wink with a confused smile.

"Alright…history it is."


	7. Chapter 7

"Look, you've done all that you can, Ed…" Peter patted his brother's shoulder. All four Pevensie siblings plus Caspian and Gregory were sitting in the courtyard at Creighton Hall, Lucy in Edmund's lap with Peter and Susan on either side. "They'll find him…and it's not like he doesn't want to be wherever he is…he left on his own and he'll be back if it's the right thing for him."

"I'm sick of the right thing," Edmund shook his head. "The right time, the right thing…it's all starting to get to me, I just want him…he's been gone for a day and I'm terrified that I'm never going to see him again…" Edmund sighed as Lucy smiled up at him.

"He'll be back Ed, you just have to wait." Lucy smiled up at her brother, hoping that she was convincing him of something that she herself had no idea about.

"Maybe," Edmund sighed, "but maybe it's time that I just moved on…tried to find someone else, a nice girl, make mom happy."

"No." Peter shook his head. "Don't settle for less than what you want, Ed, wait until you find the right person, then cling. I thought that Jack was that person and I'm still not convinced that I was wrong."

"You weren't." Everyone turned around and Edmund stood in shock, Lucy rolling off of his lap. "Ed…we need to talk." Edmund just nodded, still in shock as Jack led him away towards their alcove in the alley. "Look…I could start by saying everything that I need to, but there's something that I have to do first." Jack smiled slightly and pushed Edmund up against the wall, kissing him fiercely. Edmund didn't hesitate. He pulled Jack in closer to him and returned the kiss with as much passion as he could manage. His fingers tangled in Jack's thick hair while Jack's hands rested on Edmund's waist as he gently held Edmund against the wall with his body. "I love you Ed, so much."

"I love you too." Edmund's breathing was fast and he needed air, but he didn't want to stop kissing Jack until he absolutely had to. He pressed his lips against Jack's and closed his eyes, working the kiss so that he was in charge, showing Jack just how much he had missed this.

"Ok…we can do this more later…" Jack pulled away again, this time practically gasping for air. "But I really do have some things that I need to say first, so if it's alright with you, I'd like to get that done." Jack looked up at Edmund, who just nodded, still trying to catch his breath. "I was so stupid…I should have believed you from the start, but I didn't and my idiocy almost cost me the most important thing in my life, and-" Edmund shook his head, cutting Jack off.

"You didn't lose me Jack, you never did. I was always here, I was always willing. What you almost was your faith in yourself, you didn't think that you could love me unconditionally, but you did."

"What do you mean?" Jack looked at Edmund, confused.

"Well you obviously believe me now, right?" Jack nodded, still unsure of what Edmund was getting at. "That means that all along you had the capability to, you just wouldn't allow yourself too because you needed something between us, something to act as a barrier until you were sure that you could give me every part of your heart."

"No, Ed…-"

"Eddie." Edmund smiled slightly before allowing Jack to continue.

"Alright, Eddie…you don't understand…I didn't just think over what you said, I didn't just decide to start believing you. I went to the professor's house, I went through the wardrobe Edmund."

"Then you believed me all along." Edmund smiled, his heart floating as he heard Jack's words.

"Ok, now you've really lost me…" Jack shook his head slightly, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about, Eddie."

"If you didn't believe me, you never would have gone to the professor." Edmund chuckled slightly. "Some part of you always knew, Jack, something inside of you believed me and that's why you went, you had to see it for yourself to fully allow yourself to believe me, but you did all along."

"No…I couldn't have…that's not-"

"Trust me, Jack." Edmund smiled kindly at Jack. "I've grown up once already, I know these things." Edmund placed a soft kiss on Jack's forehead. "You got to Narnia on your own, that means you believed in it at least a little bit all along, how do you think I got through? I followed Lucy once, because I thought that just maybe she might be telling the truth, and she was…you did the same for me."

"Eddie…you're…you're amazing, you know that?" Jack sighed and pushed some stray hair from Edmund's face, looking at him with admiration.

"I'm not." Edmund shook his head, denying Jack's statement, though he could feel his ears growing hot with Jack's compliment.

"Yes, you are." Jack smiled. "When you told me about Narnia you left things out, I didn't know how much you'd given…that the witch almost killed you because you were trying to save Peter, that you kept her from coming back your second time through when both Peter and Caspian were too weak…I know your history, Edmund, all of it…what you told me and everything else that goes along with it."

"Jack…"

"No, let me finish." Jack put a finger to Edmund's lips. "I need one more thing before we go back to being the way that we were, I need you to forgive me for what I did to you…for the pain that I caused, for not believing you."

"You don't need my forgiveness, you did nothing wrong."

"Ed…please." Jack's eyes begged for Edmund's forgiveness. "_I _believe that I was wrong, _I _know that I hurt you, _I _know that I broke your heart, your brother told me so and I am so, so sorry for that, I-"

"You are forgiven then," Edmund draped his arms around Jack's waist. "I just love you, and that means forgiving you for stupid things like this."

"I love you too Ed, I really do." Jack smiled and kissed Edmund softly, trying to contain tears of joy as he felt himself go weak in Edmund's arms. "Or should I say I love you, my king?"

"Mm, not here." Edmund chuckled slightly, shaking his head. "Just Eddie…"

"Alright." Jack nodded. "I love you, Eddie, with all of my heart."

"That's all I ask of you."

**_A/N Aw, the end! _**


End file.
